Chosen Portion

"The Lord is my chosen portion and my cup; You hold my lot." (Psalm 16:5) These words both challenge and secure me. The Lord is my chosen portion...this reminds me of Mary (sister of Martha) of whom Jesus said, "Mary has chosen the good portion, which will not be taken away from her." A "chosen" portion because it is choice, or prime, highly desirable...above all else (Luke 10:41). I want to run daily towards my Savior, my "chosen portion." And my cup... "Cup" brings on a whole new element. We might look at Matt. 23:25 where Jesus is rebuking the Pharisees to "clean the inside of the cup..that the outside may also be clean." This was an analogy for their hearts, their lives. Yet the truth Jesus was communicating was that we, sinful man, can never clean our own cup, we need a Savior. Or a few chapters later Jesus prays "My Father, if it be possible, let this cup pass from me; nevertheless, not as I will, but as you will." (Matt. 26:39) A cup of suffering, of sacrifice for sin. When Jesus looked into His "cup" he saw the terrible depth of our sin and the separation from God it would require Him to endure. Yet this is not what we see in our cup. Yes, we have "participation in the blood of Christ" in this "cup of blessing" I Cor. 10:15, but it is not a cup of separation from God, but one that brings us to God! "You anoint my head with oil, my cup overflows!" Psalm 23. Our "cups" are our lives; washed, intermingled and overflowing by and with our Savior!

"You hold my lot." What security in these words! God holds our past, our present, and our future. We refer to "our lot in life" usually insinuating something negative. But knowing that Jesus holds this for us should transform our attitudes. Nothing can reach us without His sovereign permission. And it will turn out for good in our lives, bringing us closer to Christ and uniting us with him. Whether in joy or in sorrow. This is so encouraging! In fact, if we read the next verse in Psalm 16, we see "The lines have fallen for me in pleasant places; indeed I have a beautiful inheritance." I love these words. How many of us can actually say as we look back on trials and dark times in our lives that God hasn't used it to strengthen us and our closeness to Him? None, I hope. And perhaps if we're there in the dark place right now, we aren't feeling the truth of these words...the "pleasant places." But God will recycle the pain. He promises. And God always fulfills His promises. Be encouraged today as I am! God is at work. As we "choose" Him moment-by-moment to be our portion and cup, we can trust that He is holding our lot for us. And it will end in good, if we belong to him.

"I can't remember a trial or a pain, God did not recycle to bring me gain... All I have needed, His hand will provide, He's always been faithful to me."

One Affects Many

This is more on the light side today, friends. Or maybe not? You see today, my 6 year old Kara may just have been stubborn one too many times! We were at the doctor's office getting a re-check on her hearing. You remember those wonderful hearing tests don't you? Over-size headphones, a person behind you turning knobs and pushing buttons...all the while you're supposed to be raising your hand as soon as you hear a beep...Yep that's the kind! Well, Kara didn't perform so well at her check-up 8 weeks ago, so this was a second try. And I could tell from the length of the test as well as the look on the nurse's face that it wasn't going well. There were beeps even I could hear-- sitting a few feet away from little head-phoned Kara, and still she did not respond. Now, she did raise her hand 8 or 10 times. But I know that was not nearly how many beeps there were! So in the end, the doctor is referring us to an audiologist. I talked with Kara about the hearing test, trying to determine if she was truly not hearing the beeps, or if she just didn't want to respond. She seemed to admit that there were more beeps than she responded to. "So why didn't you just raise your hand each time?" I asked. "Well, I heard other things too, like the cars outside, the lady's shoe on the floor..." So a six-year old has figured out the idea of semantics...like "raise your hand if and only if, you hear a beep and no other sound!" (Doesn't sound to me like she has any hearing issues if she heard those things with the padded headphones on.) UGH!!! So whether Kara was being stubborn or not, we are all going to have to make a trip to the audiologist to find out how her hearing really is. Thank goodness for the kids' insurance.

I don't think we all realize the implications of our own sin. Perhaps Kara really has a hearing deficiency. But maybe not too. Her potential stubborn will could be costing alot of people time and money...unnecessarily spent. Our sin affects others. Our families, our churches, and ultimately, our own souls. How many times has our own indulgence (time, money, food, fun) cost our loved ones some loss? I know I am guilty. In fact right now, I need to go! There are dishes to be done and dinner to get on the table! Catch me later!

Fresh Grace

The Lord strengthens us that we may serve Him and his body. Not so that we can attain our own goals and feel better about our lives. I am seeing this more clearly in my own life. God is supplying strength to me to teach and train my girls, serve them and my sweet husband, and even have strength left to serve others within the local body. Friends, this is not me at work here-- This is the Lord! My friends call this "grace in the moment." Things that used to be such a struggle for me are starting to flow more easily as I ask God to re-shape my mind and motives. I hope this encourages you!! In fact in just the last few days since my "Laundry blog" I have seen a change of heart towards laundry! (Some of you must be praying for me!)

The loaves and the fishes were multiplied to feed the 5,000 when there was a real need, not just to let the disciples see some amazing display of Christ's power, or so they could bask in the fullness of their own well-fed stomachs, though this certainly happenend. Jesus was concerned for the peoples' needs. He showed his power sure enough, no doubt about it. But it was not merely a self-promoting display. And He is the only one worthy of self-promotion!!

I am only just grasping this idea of "grace in the moment." I often long and pray for things that I want...but I am praying with (underneath it all) self-serving motives. Even prayers for those I love and care about...if I am honest...I may be asking for things that will make me feel better (i.e. children who are more apt to obey, a job that my husband enjoys and has a better income). But God has been revealing the truth of His words "You do not have because you do not ask God. When you ask, you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, that you may spend what you get on your pleasures. You adulterous people!" (James 4:2-4)

Oh, how many times have I prayed from a heart of selfish ambition? All the prayers for weight loss, more income, cleaner home, more obedient children--all from a heart that wants it's own way. Please forgive me Lord! Cleanse my heart and redirect me to pray in a godward, others-first mentality. I have sensed such grace from the Lord the last several months, weeks, and days, I must publicly thank and praise Him!

"To Him who is able to keep you from falling and to present you before his glorious presence without fault and with great joy--to the only God our Savior be glory, majesty, power, and authority, through Jesus Christ our Lord, before all ages, now and forever more! Amen." Jude 24

The Stain Lifter

I am lifting my vow of silence....OK, so there wasn't any vow in place, but I haven't blogged for a week now. Time to put laundry aside for ten minutes...so while the chicken is marinating...I'll write! (Trying a new recipe called "Tropical Chicken" tonight...I'll let you know how it goes!)

Laundry is my least favorite domestic chore. I can't seem to keep up with it. If it was just about the washing, well...but then there's the folding, carrying it up two flights of stairs just to cram it into some already overflowing drawer or closet. ( Too much stuff or Lack of space....that's another blog topic). Vaccuming...now there's a chore I love! Quick results, the room looks instantly better, yeah! Laundry, not so much. I am not a whiz at stain removal to begin with. I have started air drying alot of my girls' clothes (thanks for the inspiration April!) just to make sure I'm not inadvertently "setting" any stains my kids have left on their laundry. I get really frustrated when the stain doesn't want to lift. My thoughts turn to how much this item cost, how many years, months or days we have owned it, and what financial loss am I seeing. My mom claims Spray-N-Wash will clean anything. Not my experience. Others say Oxy clean. Again, not my experience. My current usage involves Zout, and a Banana-smelling product called Stains-r-out. Fairly successful there. But once those stains have been through the drier there just isn't much hope. But today as I was scrubbing away at some grass-stain, chocolate stain, tomato-based stain, and who-knows-what stain, it gripped me that Jesus has lifted my stain....completely. I never have to work at removing the dark blot on my life that I could never wash away on my own. What a thought! What a truth! I am clean forever because of Jesus. No more stain. He cleansed me of it.

So as I finished scrubbing and threw the clothes into the washer, I thanked God that I don't ever have to "do Laundry" on my heart's stain. God has washed me and I am whiter than snow. And I realized that although I stand cleansed before Him, I take up the task to try and lift my own stain many times. By trying to work harder, better, serve more...and condemn myself when I can't achieve this. This is idolatry...to think I can "rid myself of one dark blot." I am not a savior, I am not a stain-lifter. I am a sinner, saved by God's grace. Thanks be to God!

"May I never despise His death by fearing (doubting) its efficacy for my salvation."--from the Valley of Vision

I Once Was Lost....

I have to tell this funny story. But the application is important. I was leaving Ladies' Care group last night --Thanks Jill, for hosting! Dark night, country roads, I'd only been there once before (and Keith had driven!). Tammy told me to make a left at the stop sign and I'd come out at the Ephrata Wal-Mart, where I could pick up 222. WELL...She went right at the stop sign, I turned left, and she honked her horn 5 or 6 times. "Oh that crazy Tammy!" I thought. "What a party animal! Who else honks their horn that many times this time of night!" Well I drove and drove (about 4-5 miles) with a Speed Racer on my tail, when finally the car behind me beeped again and stopped...right on this dark country road. I was nervous. I stopped, put the window down and heard Tammy's voice calling out in the dark, "Wrong Stop Sign!...you're gonna end up in Five Points going this way!" Whew! We cracked up and found a place to turn around, and Tammy led me back to the right path.

At the moment that Tammy had me pull over to tell me about my wrong turn, I immediately thought of what God calls us to do...to tell people the truth about where they're headed, and lovingly lead them to the path toward Safety. Ironically, we had just discussed this at Care Group that night...fear of man...why we aren't more bold with the gospel, especially to those we are close to (family, friends, neigbors). Whether we see someone who needs the gospel for salvation or for exhortation about sin or for restoration, we may shy away from presenting it. What if Tammy had just let me drive on...knowing I had no idea where I was going. I had no cell phone, it was late, dark....who knows how long it would have been before I would have found my way home. She might have thought "Oh, I don't want to have to go after her. I just want to get home and go to bed. She'll find her way home eventually." Tammy, I'm so glad you didn't just let me go! Friends, lets hear what God would say to us in this. He has come after us...pursuing us to bring us to salvation. We ourselves cannot save anyone, but we can tell them the way to go. We can lovingly pursue people, telling them the truth about life and death, and pointing them to the Savior. I, for one, was affected by my experience last night, and am grateful both for a God who pursues me and a friend who pursued me...to turn me to the right path.

Mysterious Ways

"God moves in a mysterious way His wonders to perform; He plants his footsteps in the sea, And rides upon the storm. Ye fearful saints, fresh courage take; The clouds you so much dread, Are big with mercy and will break In blessings on your head. Judge not the Lord by feeble sense, But trust him for his grace; Behind a frowning providence He hides a smiling face. His purposes will ripen fast Unfolding every hour; The bud may have a bitter taste, But sweet will be the flower. Deep in unfathomable mines Of never-failing skill, He treasures up his bright designs And works his sovereign will. Blind unbelief is sure to err And scan his work in vain; God is his own interpreter, And he will make it plain."

These are the words of William Cowper, a man who was God's child, but still struggled with depression and despair throughout his life. One so convinced of God's sovereignty and goodness was schooled by his trials...resulting in words such as these, which affirm in the light what he might be tempted to forget in a dark moment. (You can read more about Cowper in chapter 12 of John Piper's When I Don't Desire God.) Interestingly enough, centuries later, we read them still and feel our hearts swell within us to hold on to hope, to believe that our God is at work, when all around us may be darkness and bitter circumstances. In fact, Jeremy Riddle, who happened to be at our church yesterday leading worship, records his own arrangement of these words. You can check out his song at http://www.jeremyriddle.net (It's number 10 on the songplayer...top right corner)

Why do I comment on this? Well, for those of you who may not know me well, I can lean toward melancholy much of the time. I have had many people tell me I am " intense." Over the years, I have been able to see God's goodness to me in this. By the grace of God, I am cultivating thankfulness. I am not without joy. But it is not a flippant joy. I don't excuse hopelessness in a believer's life. It is sinful. But so is putting our hope in false idols...fun get-aways, easy living, a healthy bank account, great relationships, etc. I guess what I'm trying to say is that I'd rather be completely hopeless about what "life" has to offer, and have nothing on which to lean, which forces me to cry out to my Savior, than to be superficially happy and content with status quo. God knows the intricate way in which I was made and to wish I was one of those "happy-go-lucky" people would be questioning His potter's hand in my life. So instead, I see that this tendency in me causes me to be leaning on God just to get up and get moving some days. Maybe you can relate. I will (probably) never be a Pollyanna. And I am grateful. God is purposeful. My prayer is that I might be "sorrowful, yet always rejoicing" in the Lord. He is everything!

Perserverance

Still in the afterglow of Care group last night, I awoke to my quiet time with the Lord. And the words "perserverance, race" were circling in my mind. That is often how the Lord prompts me to search out His specific words to me for that day. Because of certain trials and decisions we are in the midst of right now, these words were so appropriate...I knew at once Hebrews 12 was where I needed to go this morning. And I was struck anew by the challenge to "lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God." Our race to you, Lord, may have some temptation to be ashamed, as you bring greater refining to us. You say "no one whose hope is in You will ever be put to shame." Humbled yes, shamed, no. None of us knows what You may deem necessary for us to endure. But we can "despise the shame" knowing You, our God, are the lifter of our heads and You turn even what Satan would intend to harm us with to become good and a useful means of grace for us. Yes, even our own sin, you will turn for good. We can know You have covered it--and despise the shame while still being humbled by it and accepting your discipline (vs. 5-11) and consequences for it. For the amazing news is that all ETERNAL consequences were already spent on Jesus! Amazing Love! Thank you for your truth, Lord. "It is for discipline that you have to endure--God is treating you as sons." Lord, please keep me close in Spirit to you as I go throughout this day. I never want to end my quiet time with you, but physically, I must get up and take care of my children and home. Help me to know your presence this day.

"My sin-soiled conscience, my private and public life, my neighbors, myself--all write dark things against me. I deny them not, frame no excuse, but confess, 'Father, I have sinned.' Yet still I live, and fly repenting to thy outstretched arms,
Thou wilt not cast me off, for Jesus brings me near,
Thou wilt not condemn me, for he died in my stead,
Thou wilt not mark my mountains of sin, for he levelled all,
And his beauty covers my deformities.
Oh my God, I bid farewell to sin by clinging to his cross,
hiding in his wounds, and sheltering in his side." from "Divine Mercies" The Valley of Vision

Beloved

Lots I would like to put into the blog...but it will be later. Running, running! Off to hear Anita Keagy and her "Joyshop" this morning at Petra Christian Fellowship. But I will be sharing some thoughts and impressions the Lord gave me as I studied in the book of Daniel yesterday. Know this, you are beloved of God!

(later same day) Anita's ministry was so valuable this morning! Her passion to encourage women to seek the Lord echoes my own heart. Her focus is to challenge women at every stage in life to seek the Lord daily through his word and in prayer. The only way we can be godly mothers and wives is through abiding in Christ. And we aren't abiding if we aren't spending time with Him. I know we've heard it all before. But the application is what is so crucial. Your husband and children can not have the Christian life knocked into them, they will watch you and learn. What are they learning? Is Jesus seen as top priority by the way you set your time with Him each day? You can check out her ministry at www.joyshop.org . I wish some of you could have come with me. I was even able to pick up The Valley of Vision book of Puritan Prayers and Devotions at her book table! Now there's a feast for the soul!

Oh, where to begin? Yesterday's reading from C.H. Spurgeon's Morning and Evening had the reader intrigued with the phrase "beloved of God" from Daniel. So after I finished the little devotional, I turned right away to Daniel to check out the story behind the reference. Turns out this is from Daniel 10, where Daniel has just had a time of fasting and mourning and receives a vision from God. A man clothed in linen with a belt of fine gold, with the appearance of lightning, eyes like flaming torches... (I believe this was the form of Christ rather than Gabriel, who we saw back in chapter 8) appears and says "O Daniel, man greatly loved, understand the words I speak to you, and stand upright, for now I have been sent to you." (David stands up, but is trembling) the man says "Fear not, Daniel, for from the first day that you set your heart to understand and humbled yourself before your God, your words have been heard, and I have come because of your words." (then the man goes on to give the prophetic vision to Daniel) I am speechless for a minute as I read this. To be told face to face that you are "greatly loved" by God's messenger, and then to be told that because you have humbled yourself and set yourself to understand God's ways, your words have been heard by Almighty God, and He is replying to you.....this is unfathomable! Yet, for those of us who come before the Lord just as Daniel did, with faith not in ourselves, but in His Son, in humility and recognition of our utter helplessness, God's favor is toward us! Oh Lord, may this be true of me. That I would humble myself before you all the days of my life and set my heart on understanding your precepts. How can it be that you call me "greatly loved?" Yet you do. I am overwhelmed. And you don't stop there, but you answer me! To think that my cries in prayer reach God's ears and that He listens and responds is too great to comprehend. I want this to dramatically change my prayer life! Well, I ended up reading most of the book of Daniel and reflecting on this man of humility and virtue. Standing for God when others persecuted him. And God spares him each time. Humbly seeking to honor God even when his life is on the line. What faith! Beloved, beloved....beloved. A Beautiful name God gives His children. If you are in Christ, know today that you are His Beloved!

Sunday Meeting

What an amazing day in church yesterday! Our worship time was so beautiful and exuberant I thought we might just move right from our seats into eternity! My husband and I have talked for years about the whys? and why nots? of corporate worship....why some Sundays seem absolutely full as God's people pour out their praise and desire for God and other times seem not as full. Our awareness of our own spiritual need for God is perhaps more keen than other days, which creates a deep well of longing for God to come and fill with Himself. But that almost seems like there's something WE can do to make worship more wonderful, and only God can do that. But, since the Holy Spirit is the one to move our hearts to see our great need of God, He really is the author of such wonders. There is a correlation between our soul's "panting" after God and the depth to which we may experience His presence. Well, anyway, I for one was in tears most of the first hour! God has been so good, so kind, and so generous to this sinner. So much I could say, but time to get School started!