Joy Unspeakable

Whew! Well I have my "scents" back. Unfortunately, I don't think I lost any pounds during my flavor-fast. Apparently my mouth still believed it was capable of enjoying the food, taste or not. Well, all is not hopeless! God is still greater than my lack of self-discipline, and I, by his grace, was able to get on the treadmill last Thursday. Exercising regularly was much easier in the years before homeschooling began, and I have been struggling to make time for it again. I used to be so disciplined and thrived on that in the past, but it probably was an idol. This has been my battle...deciding when and how much time to devote to exercise and keeping up the appearance of me. I shared this with the ladies in my Care Group a few months ago, and was encouraged that God would bless my plan to keep putting quiet time (spiritual discipline) with Him ahead of any physical workout. My mother-in-law recently encouraged me by telling me it wasn't 'til her kids were older that she was able to walk or run regularly, and that was even without homeschooling. Thanks for that, Florida Mom! So, by the grace of God, I will get back on the treadmill this week. Thanks for your prayers!

Amidst all the "coming down" from the Christmas season, something unique and unexpected happened about 10 days ago, actually, soon after I'd written my last blog. I awoke to a sense of great joy and contentment. This was strange...I have experienced the same sense at other times....but honestly, it's been probably two years since a sense this strong was given to me by the Lord. I can't really explain it, other than to say that God just blessed me that day. I was completely hopeful, free of fear or anxiety, and I wanted to shout it from a mountain top that God is More than Enough!! I wanted to throw caution to the wind, get down on the floor and play with my girls, stand on the corner and preach....anything to show the love God had placed within me. So I walked through the day looking for ways to "spill over" onto others what God had poured into me. I wish I could say I felt and acted that way every day, but the truth is I don't. My husband and I talked alot about the joy that we all seek, but often find elusive. Why can't we seem to gain it? Or maybe we feel something sporadically, only to see it slip away. Is it our sin building a wall we can't (or won't) tear down? Are some forms of joy only meant to give us a taste of heaven so we can know what awaits us some day? That's really what I thought that day. But, I've been noticing that each day since then, I've continued to reach toward God when I feel a discontent/complaining spirit trying to creep in, and I've been focusing on being thankful for my salvation, for all of my life...and I'd have to say something is ...different. It almost seems as though some huge group of friends/family banded together and prayed for me that day...that I'd find "joy unspeakable and filled with glory."

Along with that, to my great shock and amazement, I've also noticed that I finally have full contentment about living here in Lancaster. Some of you may not have known how I've struggled with this. Others may be disappointed! Weird, weird, weird...because we had just gotten back from Butler, where we still have close friends and family, and had a good visit. If anything, I usually leave there feeling torn. But God answered my two and a half-year request to help me see this as "home." I am actually considering hanging a few pictures in my house! Who knows, maybe I'll even buy some address labels! (This may sound funny...but it is completely true, I have not hung pictures or gotten address labels because I really felt like it would just be a waste of money for all the longer we would live here.) I don't know if this is somehow tied to the "great joy" God also deposited in me, but it's possible. Suffice it to say, I've had a lot to mull over these last two weeks. And I am thankful. God is so good to me. I know tomorrow I may be tempted to doubt that, but I will hopefully assert the truth when my heart may fail at feeling it...God is faithful.

I'll close with this quote from William Wilberforce:

"The common denominator among those possessing authentic faith is the determination to devote themselves to the service and glory of God. The other common denominator is an awareness of how inadequate they are to achieve this goal without grace and empowerment."