Fullness--journal entry Oct. 31st

These are my exact words from my journal on October 31...right about the time I stopped blogging three months ago! So, if all I do is copy done the last three months or so of journal entries...it will be something! Here goes:

Last day of October...I can't believe how it's flown by. Help me today to have strength, Lord. To teach the girls and get the house ready for mom and dad's visit. "My times are in your hand." Psalm 31:15. I know your plans are good, even if difficult. Strenthen me to serve. "Let us know, let us press on to know the Lord." This is my prayer. Help me to press on to know you...against any obstacle...whether good times or difficult, plentiful and lacking times, changes in our schedule, visitors, health, whatever...may I press on to know you more. Help me to choose to do what is pleasing to you, not what pleases me. Thank you that there is no condemnation for those who bear your Son's name. Bless you, God!
Lord, help my understanding. I know that you alone are the ultimate prize, ultimate joy, and that Heaven is about finally being united with you. But here on earth, there is no one person, no one relationship that even comes close to what you are...How is it that You, simply and perfectly You, with none of the gifts that you give, are that completely fulfulling? I know, I have experienced this "fullness" of you, and yet I cannot understand it.
Perhaps You are helping me even right now to understand better. Your glory is displayed through many means and venues which we, as mankind, can understand: benefits of provision, salvation, sustaining power, a sense of love and well-being. And it all points to You. If these gifts, which are the most beautiful, lasting precious things we will ever know on earth are simply the Effects that fall from Your greatness, how great must the Source be? You are unfathomable to our human, fleshly minds. Our eyes must be quickened by the Holy Spirit to even see a glimpse of how glorious You must be. Would you kill all appetite for sin, that I might hunger and be filled with Christ? I have seen proof of You doing this over and over again over the years of my life. I have faith for it and I worship you today. You are beautiful and glorious beyound what I can know in my flesh. Awaken my spirit to comprehend even a taste of your greatness.